saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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