im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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