Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize