This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
