I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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