i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
