so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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