I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize