I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
