U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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