Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
