My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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