That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize