It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
ttyl tear gas
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
