I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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