Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
