just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
