we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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