I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she peed on how many people?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
