i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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