I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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