you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize