i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i dont even know how to be here
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
