she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
