I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
