that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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