apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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