At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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