When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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