i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
