dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
