boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
