It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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