Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
