I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
