i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
