Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize