Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
