and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
