I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
