I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
