eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
