I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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