Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
