My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
