omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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