idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize