I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
