dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
