I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
