Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
