Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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