bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
