We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
