Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
