Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
