3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
