I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
