ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
