We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Watching her eat just hurts me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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