I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
