wat bout pragnant strippers??
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
