your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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