I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
