last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
