Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
