I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
