Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
