my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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