So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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