worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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