ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
