is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
