yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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