I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
