No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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