i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
