His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
